this is maybe the first time i will seriously put up a blog and start sharing thoughts and stories. i made a previous account in blogger.com but didn't post anything due to busy schedule. i have been inspired by such bloggers as tiggahtigz, misterhubs (now misterheuge), the chronicles of e and manila gay guy, the ones i can remember so far. i may not be as interesting as those brilliant people are, but my sole purpose is to write my story, not to impress online readers. i am a frustrated writer i must say, so i guess this is one of the things i can do to express what's hidden inside me.. the things i can't tell other people bluntly. i am not anti-social. i just give my whole damn self to people i trust, to people i want to trust, to people i will learn to and give my trust.i am currently digging E's the chronicles of e. his stories are moving, plus his words are impressing and really penetrate one's flesh. candid. straight to the point. in their purest. real. his stories are inspiring. moving. it made me feel im in his shoes, though the events in his life are far from mine. what i thought that added impact to his stories is the situation he went through. i believe it will be a lot attention-catching if a story talks about one's failure in life. the depression one went through. the pessimistic persona living inside one's self. the dark side of one's personality. then the struggle to see the light. go out in the open. finding answers to repair the damages (though not absolutely). accepting the fact you did once fall, but is willing to stand up again. may E continue to find the light. i have to read more of his stories to somehow, i know not fully, understand what kind of person is he. why he is like the person he is now.
i enjoy reading the gay confusion section and listening to podcasts on manila gay guy's blog. i can relate generally on the problem of coming out into the open. physically, i don't look the typical straight guy. if you'll see me around, you might just have the idea i'm not straight. but i act discretely as much as possible. typical reasons. my reputation in school. i am known of my intelligence, though most of the people who know me are stranger to me. i am familiar with faces, or just know a person by name. but i seldom mingle with other people. i prefer to be alone. or with just a small group of friends. no confirmations to friends that i belong to the lgbt community. i keep it inside myself. i believe most of the people surrounding me really don't get the feeling on how to belong on this community. knowing that you're gay (regardless of the classifications or labels), they might say "oh honey, it's fine.". but at the back of their brains, they don't really mean it. they talk behind your back. start spreading the news. and voila! you are in the news header. top subject of the latest happenings in your own department. whew! it's really hard to come out in the open. i love the podcast that migs talks about his coming out to his friend rob. i understood what migs went through. what his reasons are for the (i think) 14 years of no confirmation about his sexuality to his bestfriend. i learn a lot from this guy. cheers! ill be checking on his blog every time i got the chance. thanks for the words being imprinted on my brain.
misterhubs, i consider, is the superhuman blogger i've ever known so far. i love his super vocabulary. i went nose-bleed on most of his posts due to the terms he uses. good thing he is a lawyer and the power of his tongue is maximized on his job. i personally admire him. like what others say about him, he can make one piece of trash story into a sensible one. he is like into magic and transform anything into something. there's more to say about him but im actually out of words. my respect for you sir. (he is now misterheuge.)
tiggahtigz. i admire him. i have a crush on him. and on his hubby pooh. they are a perfect fit. i am quite envious of tiggah because he can openly express his self. he can live his life to the fullest. i love reading his stories. it is like knowing his daily whereabouts. imagining im one of his friends he goes out with on his free time. it's like just living a few blocks away from his place. like him, i wanna live my life freely. having a boyfriend and spending each day like a "used-to" boy-girl relationship (i should not say a boy-girl relationship is normal. it is just like saying gay relationship is abnormal). hoping meeting them in the flesh someday.
so, this is the introductory part of my diary. i introduced the persons who can possibly influence me and have impact on my brain that might help me how to steer the wheel of my life. i will tell my personal stories as this blog gets older..
for now, this is all i can give. by the way, im kyle. 'til next time.
"at the corner, start biting your nails kyle!" - the confused kyle
(Photo from: www.goldinuniverse.com/
