let me just list the factors that i thought contributed on making me part of the lgbt community.
i grew up timid. introvert. a lil bit scared of new faces. so i look up to my sisters because they are not like me. they easily get along with other people. my sister E is like the little "miss congeniality" version of my mom.. yes, my mom won the "miss congeniality" award in our place.. we even used to tease her about her "stations/terminals" (within a 25 meter street, she talks to about 4 persons she meet along the way, individually). so, a 5 minute walk within that street will actually turn into 20 minutes (she never missed saying "hi!" to anyone she knows). exact opposite? well, my dad is.
dad seldom talks to other people. he is not the friendly-type. he does not initiate a topic on any conversation he's into. he just like listen to the person talking, but always makes it a point to share "his side" (his funny beliefs and principles, which i found "one-sided" most of the time) and stand up for it. (a separate story for my dad in the future.) so maybe, i am more like my dad than my mom..
i grew up with two sisters. i have a brother, the oldest child in the family, but my maternal grandparents raised him. so we did not have the brotherly bonding. i never had a brother i can look up to and teach me the "boys" things. never into basketball or any kind of "for the boys" sport (i play patintero though. and jackstones too. chinese garter. paper dolls. what else?! i got them all from my sister E.). i play outside with sis E and deal mostly with girls of her age. plus young gay guys.
when i was in the latter part of elementary education, my barkadas (the closest ones) are all girls. i am the brain of the group (doing the assignments blah blah blah) and they are the ones who do the social activities. i learned a lot of "girls stuffs" from them. they are my so-called family while inside the school.
these are some of the what i thought in the past the reasons why i turned out to be gay. but today, i believe these are only contributing factors. i believe being gay is a chemistry of genes + external factors. they come hand in hand.
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living in a routine (minus social life) really sucks! having few friends really sucks too.. but maybe, i just get used to this.. i've been like living in my own world for the rest of my life.. i have friends, yes, few, and also one of those people who tries to deal with any type of person the whole wide world has.. but i guess im just not really good at it.. in the end, i still chose to be alone.. talking to the inner me..
i am the youngest child in the family.. yes, my mom really loves me.. a typical mama's boy.. my sister is really envious with the things mom gives me.. but i believe i just deserve them.. really deserve them..
i started writing and the not formal type of schooling when i was like 4.5 years old.. my mom usually told me to stay at home and study numbers and alphabets.. she never exactly not told me not to go out of the house to play with other youngsters but it just gave me the thought that id better study rather than play outside.. i get used to the routine.. and that really paid off.. i really developed an "above the average" brain that helped me go through a lot of things in the future..
when i was about to try the other thing a normal boy should do, that is to play with others, i got a little bit scared.. or shy maybe. i am not thinking of the "how will i please my playmates and be friends with them like forever" line (i am not matured enough to think of those things that time). rather, i just don't know how to start talking to them. so my dilemma of initiating a conversation continued for a period of time.. i used to go out and play with the company of my older sister.. and that's how it went on for years until i learned how to play with them with or without my sister.
still, studying is more important for me that's why i gave more importance to it.. that's how my life went on through years.. until now, still studying.. few friends.. studying. but i guess i am coming to the point of losing the passion for the first thing i learned and loved doing.. my first love. i believe i am now tired of doing the routine.
"study. study. study! you know the importance of education to one's life." - the geeky kyle
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let me just list the factors that i thought contributed on making me part of the lgbt community.
